Home...now what?

Night 1 was the most confusing night of my life to date...one would have thought we were trying to solve the Rubix cube or something. Seriously... It got to be night and we were like, now what? What are we going to do? Where is she going to sleep? Where am I going to sleep? Am I going to feed her in bed or get up or what? Oh wait, there's no night light in the nursery (and no light bulb in the lamp in the nursery). Honestly! We had nothing set up or ready and how strange was it that we hadn't even gone through this very moment in our heads prior to bringing her home. Yikes! Talk about unprepared (...though I'm sure it could have been worse).

Initial arrangements: Vera slept in the infant-to-toddler rocker or on a positioner in the bassinette from Nolie next to the bed. Every 2 hours (though I never let her get to the point of crying) when she was squirmy I would get up, take her to the nursery, and feed her in the chair and bring her back in to put her down in the bassinette. Every squeak and squirm and odd noise, I would get up and look at her to see what was going on and quickly wipe away any spit up. I think it worked out alright and I don't think I would have done anything different looking back.

After arriving home, particularly since I was alone with Vera for the next couple weeks, and VERY sleep deprived, and had NO CLUE what I was doing- my craaaazy emotions took over. I've been told these crazy feelings are normal but I'm not sure how...my emotions were ALL OVER THE PLACE. One second I was elated and the very next I was crying for no reason. Jamie had mentioned several times prior to delivery how I would want someone with me after she's born and was all like, yah, yah, whatever Jam... In retrospect, I do wish I had had someone but of course at the time I was too proud or some stupid shit like that. Jamie was back and school and I was basically a single mom for 2 weeks (until Jam had a break for Thanksgiving). It was a little rough, I'm not gonna lie. Most of it was sheer extreme sleep deprivation (since I'm like a wet towel when I don't get my 8 hours...haha). Occassionally I felt like a pit in my stomach and anxiety about taking care of this little person completely dependant on me. Sometimes I was sad though I'm not really sure why...probably that Jamie wasn't there experiencing all these things with me. There were tears because I was so so so happy too. Jam was a little worried since the tears kept on rolling for a couple days (so worried he even talked to his mom about it). Then, like a light switch I was fine...guess that's what they call the postpartum blues.

I now understand when people say they didn't have time to eat. Our little Miss V is kind of a needy gal but mostly cause she LOVES LOVES LOVES to snuggle...loves it so much she cries when she's not being snuggled. ha. :) I don't mind though cause I LOVE LOVE LOVE to snuggle too. :) Not only that but when home with her, and snuggling, I don't really feel like getting up and taking the time to make some garbage lunch. I hated fixing lunch pre-Vera! Basically cereal remains the greatest food group EVER!!! :)