Week 19: maternity shopping...for the birds

Let me just vent a while about maternity shopping. Grab a cup of coffee, sit back, and kick up your feet...

Who in the hell designs maternity clothes? No one. Or at least no one anyone has heard of. Moreover, no one who has a friggin clue about fashion. Who says that because you're pregnant and need to buy a temporary wardrobe that you can't be cute and pregnant? WTF?!?! I just don't understand. I have seriously contemplated starting my own maternity line- cute and affordable. Listen, I don't need the ultimate quality here, just some nice softer fabric (not weird patterned polyester) and cute designs, and OPTIONS!! Again, just because this wardrobe is temporary, this doesn't mean we should be forced to choose from 5 items. Really, there is NOTHING to pick from. Even stores that have maternity lines have literally 2-3 racks or a tiny corner of the store with a couple items. Oh! I'm sorry the 6 ugly shirts you have to pick from don't suit my taste and I'm NOT spending money on some fugly temporary wardrobe. Unacceptable. The disappointment was profound. PROFOUND! What was really interesting was that the lines seemed to appeal to those age groups in say, their 40's-50's...but you don't really see a lot of that age group pregnant now do you. So let's get some young, proactive people on board here to pump out some decent lines. And the selection...COME ON!!!! If I'm having a hard time choosing a pair of pants from a selection of 20 when I'm not with child, how in the hell am I supposed to select a pair of pants when there are 2 styles and 3 colors? Really? Really? Apparently when females get pregnant, we no longer have the wide variety of body types. "Make it work." "It's temporary; just get it." Are just a few of the phrases I've heard. Excuse me? You would never say that when you were out shopping for yourself when you're not preggers, so how could you speak such blasphemy to me? And me, of all people. Don't say that shit to me. It only makes me more angry about the situation presenting itself to me.
Obviously my experience, even at the MOA was memorable, but not a good memorable...more like a nightmare.
Problem 1) I went with no plan and alone. I had NO idea what stores to go to or where they were. Basically I walked about 12 miles that day and didn't even spend my allotted allowance for clothes. Did you hear that? I didn't even spend all the money I had to spend. THAT is how bad it was.
Problem 2) I had no moral support to get me through this "tough time" of bad shopping. I was in so much shock, I could barely function. It was like an alcoholic getting lost in a liquor store...how is that possible? Ok, bad analogy...my humor has suffered during this pregnancy. :)
Problem 3) My shoulders/upper back hurt soooooo bad, I was literally almost crying. Apparently I need to acquire either a new bra with ginormous straps or acquire someone to carry my boobs while I walk around.
Problems 4-10) Maternity shopping sucks. See above complaints.
Solution 1: CALL IN THE TROOPS!! Thank God, my sister randomly was in the cities. Basically I begged her to "save me" at the MOA. She put on her cape and came to my rescue. After arriving I hear, "Kara! I did NOT come all this way to hear you bitch the whole time. It can't be that bad." Oh oh oh, was she wrong. It was that bad and shortly she was brought up to speed and had a take-back to those previously mentioned comments. After Cinnabun and a lengthy shoulder rub from my favorite sister, we rallied to finish the excursion.
Solution 2: Buy a size bigger...should last for most of the pregnancy and as I near the end, pick up some true maternity items. (Except for the pants...those I need now.)
HOW WE ENDED OUR MOA TRIP: With the sales executive at Motherhood Maternity telling me "good luck finding a bra with those proportions." Really? JUST what I needed to hear. Awesome. See below for further complaints on this topic.

BOOBS: An E, really? I'm 5 friggin months and a 34 E, a measured 34 E. This makes me want to cry because these knockers are only going to get MUCH bigger, especially when I'm breast feeding. Already my shoulders and back have been suffering. :( I understand and can appreciate I do NOT have the biggest rack in the world so WHERE IN THE HELL do these big busted beauties shop? Unfortunately, it's not the E that makes it difficult to find a bra...it's the ratio of a 34 to an E. "Good luck." So I start a little online searching. Nordstroms is literally the only department store that carries this size...for $70 minimum. UGH!! Screw job. So I seek out cheaper options on the internet- online shopping at a bra place. Ok, again, when I shop for bras (as do MOST females), we pick out 20 bras, annoyingly and frustratingly try them all on, doing the jump and jiggle, and bend-over test to find MAYBE 1 bra that works...how in the hell do they expect me to order a bra online???? Brings tears to my eyes. Oh, and after 34DD, would you expect me to be a 34DDD or a 34E? This site had 34DDD and 34DDDD and then 34E, but that was the only size that went so high with the quadruple lettering...THANK YOU for making my life even more confusing. Decision: avoid buying a bra as long as possible and hope they stop growing until I need nursing bras...and pray that I don't bust out of every shirt I own (pun intended). So get on the prayers sisters!!!

Enough about shoppping...for now anyway.

Throughout this whole pregnancy I have felt rather on top of the world. No, really, I've felt like Mary, like "the chosen one." I've felt like I am the priviledged one who was allowed to be pregnant (which is not too far from the truth in some senses). And then I look around and see 1 trillion females with belly bumps or kids on their hips. Sadly, I'm humbled and brought back to reality. So many females (gazillions in fact) have gone through this same experience, but no one really talks about it that much. That fact is kind of mind boggling to me- how is it that when we are creating life inside us, no one talks about it, but when a friend of a friend said something that may have been interpreted as sassy, the whole world knows. So odd, our culture. Creating life vs friend of a friend's sassy misinterpreted sassy comment...hmmmm... So, the more I think about it, the more I realize I'm not special, but I do smile because I AM in fact honored to experience this amazing, life-altering event of creating/incubating life. Wow. :)

Other than a horrid shopping experience, big boobs, and my newly humbled state, I've felt well- tired but incubating life is a lot of work ;)