Starting at 9 wks I already had the pit in my stomach about returning to work. Intermittent teary episodes and overwhelming feeling of helplessness about the dreaded day to come when I can't be there for Vera as I had been her entire life so far. From 9 wks on I didn't want to be without Vera for anything...I practically took her to the bathroom with me. Forget date night! I couldn't bare the thought of being away from her until I was forced to. ...basically I turned into "crazy mom" mode. Sure I wanted some adult interaction, but my preference was to have my little snickelfritz along. It was the forced letting go that got me the most. I wasn't and still aren't ready to let go...hence the crazy mom mode. :) I had planned to spend some time away from her but as it got closer to the dreaded day, I just couldn't part with her. Some moms suggested a "practice run" of dropping her off. Are you stupid? Why would I want to torture myself twice? Oh, no thanks.
I wanted Aleta (daycare mom) to know everything about all of V's quirks so Vera didn't have to cry until it was figured out. I even went so far as to put together a sheet of paper of what V likes and more importantly, doesn't like.
I didn't want to miss anything. Makes me sick to think that Aleta will get to spend more time with Vera than me. Horse shit. That is totally not fair. It's a good thing Jamie and I really like her and trust that she will treat V like one of her own kids/grandkids. That's one of the only things that made the transition back a little easier to swallow.
Besides being sick about dropping off Vera with a stranger, I was starting to get anxiety about my workload when I returned. Being short a PA-C, I half volunteered and was half forced to take on a surgeon's clinic (who notoriously gets out late) every other day besides my own clinic. It wasn't the being busy part (which is a good thing to keep my mind off missing V), but the fact that I would be getting out late. And before I actually returned to work, I geared up to be assertive and essentially demand that I get out at a reasonable time. Fortunately, I knew I had the support from my bosses (at least verbally).
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
what to say...9 wks old
Shots. Boo! Developmentally Vera is 4 months old...yikes! Thought I would be sad or teary with V getting shots but I was actually OK...it was Dad awwwwwing with his misty eyes. Oh boy, he hasn't seen anything yet.
STATS...
Visitors!!! Laura and Cathy/Phil. :)
Oh my sleepy, growing baby girl...growing out of all her newborn clothes. Ahhh!! Momma is not ready for this growing up business.
Did you know!?!?!?!? Taking a bottle is NOT like riding a bike- once she takes a bottle, doesn't mean 5 days later she will take it again...IDIOTS! Honestly- I want to buy a shirt that says "Rookies" for Jamie and I. "Brainless" would work too.
And the dread of heading back to work begins.
STATS...
Visitors!!! Laura and Cathy/Phil. :)
Oh my sleepy, growing baby girl...growing out of all her newborn clothes. Ahhh!! Momma is not ready for this growing up business.
Did you know!?!?!?!? Taking a bottle is NOT like riding a bike- once she takes a bottle, doesn't mean 5 days later she will take it again...IDIOTS! Honestly- I want to buy a shirt that says "Rookies" for Jamie and I. "Brainless" would work too.
And the dread of heading back to work begins.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
SALVATION!
THANK GOODNESS!! VERA FOUND HER THUMB!! The sirens screamed and angels sang. This, my friends, is a beautiful thing. She is VERY serious about the thumb-sucking too. And Jamie and I have to say it's the cutest thing we've ever seen. Thumb in mouth with those big ol' peepers looking onward. LOVE.IT. :):)
As soon as she found her thumb, we all got a little more sleep at night. Everyone was jealous when I told them at 8 weeks V started sleeping through the night. She was sleeping 6.5-7 hours at a time and it was PURE BLISS! :)
It was this time when Jam and I busted out a new bottle, First Years (Breastflow) and she TOOK IT!!! Woo hooooooo!!!
We spent New Years' Eve with Dad, Cin, Brad, and Kenny at Dad/Cin's place. I will admit we were pretty lame. At 8pm we were all like "ugh!!!! we'll never make it!!" ...so most of us took a nap to ensure we had the energy to maintain the midnight tradition. I will be the first to say running around the house this year was THE WORST YEAR TO DATE! The snow had melted and got super hard. We started running on the gravel which was the BEST part, if you can believe that. Then we ran onto the hard ice. It was like someone hit a slow-mo button...I could barely move as I cursed. I was trying to step on top of the ice, but shockingly that didn't work so my ankles and feet were getting all cut up. It hurt so bad (and for days actually). I'm not sure if it was terrible because of the ice or the fact that I was carrying out this family tradition completely sober for the first time...needless to say a bad combination.
As soon as she found her thumb, we all got a little more sleep at night. Everyone was jealous when I told them at 8 weeks V started sleeping through the night. She was sleeping 6.5-7 hours at a time and it was PURE BLISS! :)
It was this time when Jam and I busted out a new bottle, First Years (Breastflow) and she TOOK IT!!! Woo hooooooo!!!
We spent New Years' Eve with Dad, Cin, Brad, and Kenny at Dad/Cin's place. I will admit we were pretty lame. At 8pm we were all like "ugh!!!! we'll never make it!!" ...so most of us took a nap to ensure we had the energy to maintain the midnight tradition. I will be the first to say running around the house this year was THE WORST YEAR TO DATE! The snow had melted and got super hard. We started running on the gravel which was the BEST part, if you can believe that. Then we ran onto the hard ice. It was like someone hit a slow-mo button...I could barely move as I cursed. I was trying to step on top of the ice, but shockingly that didn't work so my ankles and feet were getting all cut up. It hurt so bad (and for days actually). I'm not sure if it was terrible because of the ice or the fact that I was carrying out this family tradition completely sober for the first time...needless to say a bad combination.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Xmas 2010 (7 wks)
Had both the Kapplinger and Otterness/Flatin Xmas this week. It was a bit busy but everything went great.
Because Jenny was on bed rest we decided to bring Xmas to Sioux Falls. Unfortunately there was a horrible snowstorm (of course). We quickly threw our stuff together and decided to leave in the evening...knowing we were going to hit snow no matter when we left...but also knowing Vera was much more likely to travel better in the evening. Boy were we spot on. We headed out around 8:30pm and what should have taken 3.5 hrs took us 6 hrs. We had to stop only once so Vera could eat but otherwise she slept the whole way- what a gem!!! :):) The roads were awful...there were no plows out so we were driving through at least 4 inches of snow. There were no lanes on the highway; just people driving in the middle of the road. Jam was a trooper driving 40 mph the whole way there. Ugh. We got there around 3-3:30am...and had no trouble until we got to their alley...where Jam got the car stuck- haha. :) It was a really nice holiday with the whole crew at the Clementson's.
Mom's xmas was at Otter and Sarah's like usual but this year we had undesirable intruders...random Tripp cousins came out of no where to WATCH our xmas. It was SO weird and we were not fans. They ate our food and watched us open presents like we were on display...creepers. Mom was so mad. Anywho...we still love getting together as a fam. :) This year the sing-a-magigs were a hit. :) We did the whole present-opening over skype with K&D and fam which was really fun...not quite like they were here, but better than nothing. Wish they were home.
Because Jenny was on bed rest we decided to bring Xmas to Sioux Falls. Unfortunately there was a horrible snowstorm (of course). We quickly threw our stuff together and decided to leave in the evening...knowing we were going to hit snow no matter when we left...but also knowing Vera was much more likely to travel better in the evening. Boy were we spot on. We headed out around 8:30pm and what should have taken 3.5 hrs took us 6 hrs. We had to stop only once so Vera could eat but otherwise she slept the whole way- what a gem!!! :):) The roads were awful...there were no plows out so we were driving through at least 4 inches of snow. There were no lanes on the highway; just people driving in the middle of the road. Jam was a trooper driving 40 mph the whole way there. Ugh. We got there around 3-3:30am...and had no trouble until we got to their alley...where Jam got the car stuck- haha. :) It was a really nice holiday with the whole crew at the Clementson's.
Mom's xmas was at Otter and Sarah's like usual but this year we had undesirable intruders...random Tripp cousins came out of no where to WATCH our xmas. It was SO weird and we were not fans. They ate our food and watched us open presents like we were on display...creepers. Mom was so mad. Anywho...we still love getting together as a fam. :) This year the sing-a-magigs were a hit. :) We did the whole present-opening over skype with K&D and fam which was really fun...not quite like they were here, but better than nothing. Wish they were home.
leave half over (6 wks)
I can't believe my maternity leave is half over already. :( Time has gone by so fast. Every day Jam and I look at her and think she's changed so much.
- Tried the pack n play this week...no problems. Vera is her mother's child- and the super-power of the ability to sleep anywhere has been passed on. YES!
- We just love it when she smiles and chuckles while she's sleeping...wonder what she's dreaming about.
- V loves to hold on to us when she's upright and LOVES to snuggle. :)
- ROUND 2 bottle battle: Playtex vs Vera...Playtex 0, Vera 1.
- Vera is still so gasey...I think it's reflux.
- We popped in to work and passed Vera around...everyone just thought she was so cute in her AC/DC onesie. Jam was such a proud papa, wanting to show her off to his class and the lab.
- Had my 6 wk check up with the midwives and checked out ok. 8lbs left before I'm back to my pre-baby weight. Got the ok to exercise and have sex...yah...haha. Started the pill again. I'll leave the sex story out...it's a bit personal, but wtf is with the bleeding/period crap after that...for one week...ugh!
- V scoped out her first basketball game and LOVED it! She loved all the noise and watched intently as the boys ran up and down the court. :):)
- Jamie gave baby girl a bath for the first time. He was so nervous and wanted me to tell him every single step. :) But he did a good job and Vera got clean. :)
- Tried the pack n play this week...no problems. Vera is her mother's child- and the super-power of the ability to sleep anywhere has been passed on. YES!
- We just love it when she smiles and chuckles while she's sleeping...wonder what she's dreaming about.
- V loves to hold on to us when she's upright and LOVES to snuggle. :)
- ROUND 2 bottle battle: Playtex vs Vera...Playtex 0, Vera 1.
- Vera is still so gasey...I think it's reflux.
- We popped in to work and passed Vera around...everyone just thought she was so cute in her AC/DC onesie. Jam was such a proud papa, wanting to show her off to his class and the lab.
- Had my 6 wk check up with the midwives and checked out ok. 8lbs left before I'm back to my pre-baby weight. Got the ok to exercise and have sex...yah...haha. Started the pill again. I'll leave the sex story out...it's a bit personal, but wtf is with the bleeding/period crap after that...for one week...ugh!
- V scoped out her first basketball game and LOVED it! She loved all the noise and watched intently as the boys ran up and down the court. :):)
- Jamie gave baby girl a bath for the first time. He was so nervous and wanted me to tell him every single step. :) But he did a good job and Vera got clean. :)
Friday, February 25, 2011
spandex to spanx
Just wondering why I couldn't have my pre-baby body back? My wardrobe, and thereby my self-esteem, is garbage. Maybe when I lost weight pre-baby, I shouldn't have changed out my entire wardrobe for a closet full of spandex. Seriously, I think all I owned was tight, little clothes (which was wonderful when I was in the best shape I'd been in 10 yrs).
I realize this is not a novel or shocking statement but my body is just not the same, post-baby. My boobs go from deflated tube socks to engorged volleyballs...I think my thighs grew and I'm not sure WHY they would need to...I've got this little belly flap of skin that makes every piece of spandex clothing I have NOT work. Every day I have to evaluate- do I go over the flap, divide the flap, or go under the flap? And with my shirts...can't be too tight cause then I am either battling the bulge or the annoying breast pad outline through my giant, expensive (yet uncomfortable) maternity bra. But I'm not really interested in sporting tents or garbage bags either since I've lost most of the baby weight. Dilemma, dilemma. Sure wish I didn't have to dress up every day.
I realize this is not a novel or shocking statement but my body is just not the same, post-baby. My boobs go from deflated tube socks to engorged volleyballs...I think my thighs grew and I'm not sure WHY they would need to...I've got this little belly flap of skin that makes every piece of spandex clothing I have NOT work. Every day I have to evaluate- do I go over the flap, divide the flap, or go under the flap? And with my shirts...can't be too tight cause then I am either battling the bulge or the annoying breast pad outline through my giant, expensive (yet uncomfortable) maternity bra. But I'm not really interested in sporting tents or garbage bags either since I've lost most of the baby weight. Dilemma, dilemma. Sure wish I didn't have to dress up every day.
thank God for television
Baby V and I did a whole lot of snuggling while on maternity leave, and what was momma doing during all of this, besides lovin up the cutest baby in the whole world and taking naps...watching TV. Sadly, Vera joined this world just in time for the start of winter, thus making outside excursions non-existent. So, we were cooped up inside.
Shows of choice? Really more like stations of choice: Bravo, TLC, CMT, Vh1
Garbage TV = my favorite. I think I saw almost every episode of the "Real Housewives of...Orange County and Beverly Hills, " Millionaire Matchmaker, Tabitha's Salon Takeover, Top Chef (all on Bravo). On TLC I watched, What not to wear and Cake boss. In the mornings we watched music videos on Vh1 and CMT. I would even watch the same episodes several times...haha.
Anything about baking/cooking AND fashion...MY FAVS :) Wouldn't want to stress or overwork my brain...no problem. :)
Shows of choice? Really more like stations of choice: Bravo, TLC, CMT, Vh1
Garbage TV = my favorite. I think I saw almost every episode of the "Real Housewives of...Orange County and Beverly Hills, " Millionaire Matchmaker, Tabitha's Salon Takeover, Top Chef (all on Bravo). On TLC I watched, What not to wear and Cake boss. In the mornings we watched music videos on Vh1 and CMT. I would even watch the same episodes several times...haha.
Anything about baking/cooking AND fashion...MY FAVS :) Wouldn't want to stress or overwork my brain...no problem. :)
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